BS Family

How to Change Your Childs Mood and Boost Their Self Esteem

Childs Mood and BoostWhat if I was to say to you, that each group of difficulties you have with your child could be dealt with effectively in simple, digestible brain games?

Sounds too easy?

OK, that’s the answer I was expecting and to be honest, I would have said the same thing 2 years ago. We have all spent long hours searching the net, being talked ‘at’ by professionals and therapists telling us we should do this and that but not really caring about your plight and our children. After all, every kid on the spectrum is different. I know that, you know that, and the reason why we know that is because we are parents, and we care about our children. We want them to thrive just like any other kid on the planet. Why should they not have the chance to lead rewarding lives? This isn’t have to be a ‘best dog wins’ world. We know we have the best kids because of their Autism, right?

So, today, you’re going to hear a mum talk. Today, I am going to tell you how I work with my son, Jon; the strategies I came up with that work because I have 15 years of bringing up my child who has Autism, PDA and Scoliosis, so yes, I know what I’m talking about, and what’s more, I understand your needs, worries and fears too.

OK, today, I am going to walk you through the plan I came up with, how I implemented with my son, Jon and saw it work, permanently.

I called it ‘The Progress Pentagon. (Catchy name, huh?)

I took each problem I had and parents I asked around had and divided them up into five categories (making up the pentagon shape.) These are;

Food intolerances
Social interaction
Daily routines
I found that after studying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Neuro Linguistic Programming, we could take the principles behind these alternative methods of adjusting thought processes, and tailor them into methods we could use to help our children. NLP and CBT has been proved across the world to help people with depression, borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, anxiety and a number of other psychological and cognitive disorders.

Take for instance, shifting mood.

We know that we can shift our current mood by shifting our physiology. That may sound all well and good for a Nero typical person but what about a person on the Autistic spectrum? We can still help our children to shift their ‘state’ into a ‘state’ which is more appropriate for them. We can also use these methods to help with your self-image, self-esteem and confidence in communication.

For example;

We can use a simply NLP method called Anchoring. You might have come across this before but not worked with it in terms of helping someone with Autism. We ask them to remember a time when they felt happy/confident/excited/motivated and when we recognised they are at the peak of that state in remembering, we anchor that feeling for them by touching the back of their knuckle, for example, on their hand, so when they need to feel in that state again, they can either anchor the state required themselves or you can do it for them.

The kind of technique is hugely powerful and highly useful to young people who need to get through something which is causing them a state of anxiety, such as taking an exam, going to a new school, starting a new job, attending a social gathering and so on. Anchoring can be an effective way of dealing with states of anxiety.

A word of caution needs to be added here; if your child is in a heightened state of meltdown, you won’t be able to simply trigger the happy state by touching their knuckle (if that’s the place where you anchored the positive feeling.) Once a child or young person is in meltdown, they are usually unresponsive and need to come down from that state of stress themselves by taking themselves away from the stressful situation. What anchoring can do is help a child get through something before the anxiety has time to set in. It is a means to use prior to a stressful event and not to get out of one quickly.

Shaping Self Concepts At Home

Self Concepts At HomeHuman beings customarily struggle with the issue of self-esteem. We seem to esteem ourselves too much or too little. Though some of us camp out in one or the other of these erroneous extremes, many others vacillate back and forth between these faults.

Christians struggle with this, too. In fact, imbalanced teachings, prevalent in the Christian community, fuel our confusion. Where wholesome self-esteem ends and sinful pride begins is admittedly unclear. A distorted application of self-denial, often used to keep us from crossing that line, is not God’s solution to the problem. We cannot resolve our problems with our “self” by denying that we have one. Likewise, we’ll never overcome the foul influence of our self-concept by denying its size and shape.

Self-esteem is part of our self-concept. “Self-concept” is a term for the way we see ourselves and the way we feel about ourselves. This concept, like Rome, was neither built in a day, nor by an individual worker. Our self-concept is formed as we interpret innumerable interactions with others in our world. Based on these interpretations we place ourselves somewhere on a continuum of worth extending from “a god to be worshiped” to “refuse to be discarded.” Furthermore, our position on this continuum is not static; it is continually influenced by ongoing interactions in life.

At least from our time of birth, we begin receiving messages about ourselves. Long before we know the meaning of the words acceptance, rejection, love and hate, we know the feelings those words represent. So all of us, for even longer than we can remember, have been storing away information that forms our self-concept and our sense of self-worth.

The home is certainly one of the most powerful places where our self-concept is formed. For most of us, the school environment rivals the home for the most powerful influence on our self-concept. These two environments function independently; their respective messages sometimes concur and sometimes contradict.

Most of us receive mixed messages in both places. Thus, most of us need help finding the truth. Our homes are a natural place of self-concept formation. They should also be safe places to discuss, with trustworthy people, the conflicting messages we receive, wherever they are received, in order to claim the truth about ourselves.

Bear in mind that every interaction your child experiences helps shape the self-concept. How you talk to or about him, how you discipline or don’t discipline her, and how you deal with your child’s weaknesses are all interpreted in a way that shapes his or her self-concept. We should make sure our contributions shape favorably. You may need to address your daughter’s desire to dress inappropriately. Please do, but you should avoid calling her a prostitute in the process. You can protect her self-concept while you address her “dress” problem.

Teach your children that we all have great worth, assigned by the Creator. It’s a gift, not something we earn through effort. It’s certainly not dependent upon our ability to impress people. We live in a world that regularly tells us otherwise. Train your children to recognize and counter these cultural lies.

Remember, too, to relate with your children in ways that confirm these truths; and when you fail at any of these things, be sure to inform them that what they experienced was a result of your failure, not their unworthiness to be treated better. Finally, remember, everyone you know has a self-concept, somewhat out of shape. Allow God to use you to help re-shape it with truth. And invite Him to reshape yours, too.

How to Get Your Kids to Stop Fighting

Kids to Stop FightingIn my experience, most of the mean behavior among kids is mutual. Sometimes it will be your older kid behaving hurtfully and sometimes it will be the younger. This is not, of course, because they are bad: It is because they are still learning the skills they need to be able to advocate for themselves while at the same time reaching out generously to others. These kinds of social emotional competencies take lots and lots of practice.

That’s where you come in!

Learning how to be in touch with and verbalize your emotions so that you can make clear request of what you want or need is first and foremost learned from you. Start by helping your kids identify their emotions. When siblings are fighting, don’t take sides. Instead, guide them through the process of labeling how they are or might be feeling and what they need to feel better.

Let’s look at how this conversation might go:

George: She came in my room without asking and that is against the rules!

Anna: You, slime ball, you drew on my picture!

Mom: Anna! In our family we speak respectfully. George, it sounds like your sense of fair play and what you can count on has been violated. Anna, you sound really angry that your brother would ruin something you care about.

George: Yeah! She wasn’t being fair!

Anna: Well, he wasn’t being nice!

Mom: Anna, let’s let George tell his bit. George, you’re mad because you want to trust that your room is private. What would you like Anna to have done?

George: She should have knocked!

Mom: Can you ask her to please knock next time?

George [to Anna]: Would you please knock next time?

Anna: Yes, I should have knocked, but I was really mad.

Mom: Anna!

Anna: Yes, I will knock next time.

Mom: Thanks, Anna. Now, it’s your turn. You were mad enough to ignore one of our family rules. You must have been ready to spit nails.

Anna: Yes, I was! He drew on my picture, and now it is ruined and I had worked really hard on it. That is so mean.

Mom: What do you need from George?

Anna: I need him to apologize and never come near me again.

Mom: I hear that you are still really hurt and maybe even wish right now that you didn’t have a brother, but you do, and we are learning to live peacefully with each other in this house, so what request can you make of him?

Anna: To not draw on my pictures?

Mom: Okay.

Anna [to George]: Please don’t draw on my picture or anything else that is mine.

George: But you said your picture was better than mine and that was mean. Really mean.

Mom: George, I hear that you were hurt and you can say more about that, but first can you respond to Anna’s request?

George: Sorry, Anna. I shouldn’t have drawn on your picture.

Mom: George, can you tell Anna more about how it felt to have her compare her picture to yours?

George: It wasn’t nice and it made me mad. She always thinks she’s so perfect.

Mom: George, stick to your feelings right now. Don’t worry about the past.

George: It hurt my feelings.

Mom: Tell Anna. Use an I-Statement.

George: Anna, when you said your picture was better than mine, it hurt my feelings because I really liked my picture. Next time please find something nice to say about my picture.

Anna: Sorry, George. You did do a really good job with the shading on your picture.

George: Thanks, Anna!

Now, you might be shaking your head thinking a) my kids would never calm down and forgive each other that quickly and b) no way do I have enough time to walk them through that kind of conversation every time.

Certainly, when your kids are first learning these skills, it may take them longer to cool off and they may need more of your help to know what to say to each other. But the more you do it, and the more practiced they become, the more you will hear them going through these conversations by themselves.

And yes, walking your kids through these kinds of conversations will take your time-probably when you are right in the middle of getting dinner ready or helping another sibling with a school project-but what is the cost of not doing the work? Slammed doors? More hurt feelings? Yelling, screaming, threats? Punishments that take you even more time and energy to follow through on but do nothing to assuage your children’s tender feelings? Hate and resentment that builds up among siblings?

I would like to argue that teaching kids to resolve conflict peacefully is some of the most important work you do as a parent. As a teacher, I could always tell which kids came from families where these skills were being emphasized. Those were the kids who did not get bullied because when other kids did something mean or hurtful, those kids knew how to address the problem head on and to defuse the bully before he or she could even really get started.

Does Giving a Gift to Your Children Make You a Good Parent?

Giving a Gift to Your ChildrenAfter a long tiring day at your workplace, what is it that makes you really feel good? I think it is the feeling of returning home that makes a person feel peaceful after spending a strenuous day at the office. And what makes a house really a home! Of course a lovely partner and adorable children.

When you are capable of maintaining a balance between your home and office, your professional life and personal life, you can build a strong bond between you and your kids and have a sense of belonging, which is a basic human need.

Who doesn’t want to bring the best out of his / her kids! And only by good parenting, a proper balance of firmness and nurturance, one can bring the best outcomes for kids in terms of academic success, mental health and good well-being.

One of the most important things good parenting is focused on is putting encouragement over praise. In many ways, you can do this, and one of them is gifting your kids. When you see that your children score high in an exam or behave properly with elders, why not encouraging them with a small gift! You never know a small gift can bring how big smile on your kids’ faces. And certainly, it’s a wonderful feeling.

When you return home after spending a long day at the office, you know that your children are eagerly waiting to see you at home. So don’t just come home with empty hands. Come with some surprise gifts. By doing it, I bet the moment you cross the doorstep, you will get the most adorable hug from your child.

So now the question that you should delve is what kind of gift to choose to bring a smile on your children’s faces and fill their hearts with joy. Actually, it’s not about expending a lot of money, it’s about putting your thought, love, and care into a gift and that’s what makes it special. Speaking about special and wonderful gifts, recently I got to hear that somebody was randomly googling while coming back to home and he was in search of a great birthday gift for his son. He came across with a place for personalized gifts collection, and after making a purchase he couldn’t stop himself sharing his feelings that how wonderful he was feeling to see the sparkle in his son’s eyes after gifting him a personalized drawing bag.

So why don’t you also try personalized gifts! Choose from a wide collection of customized gifts for your children. Choose your design and get it embroidered on the gift.

Have a good relationship with your children and help them develop into decent and self-confident human being. And to do this, try to listen to them, agree with them, value their opinions and above all encourage their good deeds or surprise them on special occasions by giving wonderful gifts.

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